CAKE, PLEASE?

The holidays stress me out for many reasons. Most are dumb reasons like not enough money, or too much family ‘togetherness’. Dumb stuff that I really have no right sweating because I have a great life and a killer family, but at any rate it’s easy stuff to talk about. My main stressor is food though, which for some reason is really hard for me to talk about. Like, really.

I think that like most women, or most privileged women maybe, I have a really unhealthy and complicated relationship with food. I love cooking and I love eating but one or the other is always on my brain. Like, always. When the holidays roll around, this already borderline-obsessive behavior gets compounded by social situations (even comfortable ones) and I spend my all time thinking about eating, or not eating. The ramifications of eating or not eating. What I should be eating, or not eating. What I actually am eating, or not eating. What people are thinking about my food choices. It’s exhausting, but i can’t seem to turn it off. 

I feel like eating and shame are almost always linked for me, and the mental hurdles I need to get over to just not hate myself for eating are at times really insurmountable. Sometimes they won’t let me leave the house. Or stop crying. Or various other melodramatic things. They make me hate my physical self and that hate weighs on my mental self. Self loathing never ends well guys.

I guess this seems dramatic but it is real for me, and I would wager, many other women as well. I don’t have an eating disorder but I do have a really unhealthy relationship to food that manifests itself in nearly every moment of my life and upon which my self worth is precariously perched. I feel stupid for feeling this way too. I know that I am capable and talented and pretty well adjusted. I have killer friends, a supportive family and a husband who thinks I’m amazing. But I still feel it and it is still hard to talk about.

I read THIS article today and it really resonated with me. It made me want to write about this issue on my stupid blog, even though no one reads it. Maybe acknowledgement is the first step to self acceptance? Oh Lord, I sound like a hippie.

Uugh. Pass the cake, please.

 (photo credit: Crystal Renn for Vogue Paris by Terry Richardson)

FRIES with SHALLOT DIP

Sometimes when husband isn’t home, I eat fries for dinner. No healthy additions or anything, just greasy lil’ taters.  I can’t be bothered to haul out the deep fryer for two little potatoes, but I HATE, hate, hate under cooked oven fries. A Nelly/Kelly Rowland sized dilemma if I’ve ever seen one. I JUST WANT SOME GREASY FOOD TO EAT WHILE I WATCH NETFLIX ALONE BETCH. So I googled* a bunch of oven french fry recipes and hybrid-ed them to pretty delish results. The shallot dip is really where it’s at though. Suitable for all of your dipping needs!

* The most helpful recipe came from Gwyneth Paltrow. I know, what the effffffff.

 

FRIES

A couple of potatoes (I used baker’s ) scrubbed (not optional) and peeled (optional)
Olive oil
Salt

-Chop up your potatoes. I like them a little skinnier, but you can cut them to your desired thickness. Fat slices will take longer to brown in the oven. Just make sure they’re uniform in size.
– Soak your slices in a bowl of cold water for about and hour, changing the starchy water a couple of times throughout. If you don’t have an hour to spare, just give them a good rinse or two. Getting rid of the excess starch makes for crispier fries.
– Steam your fries in batches (I did 2) for about 5 to 8 minutes (depending on how thick you cut them) so that they are softened, but not falling apart.  I found this step to be the most beneficial as it helped make the fries more tender on the inside. If you son’t have a fancy steamy thing, you can just balance a metal colander on a pot of boiling water. It’s not as pretty but it works just fine.
– Pat your taters down with a paper towel so that they are as dry as possible. Wet potatoes = soggy fries = sadsies.
– Toss in olive oil so that they are all fully coated. Sprinkle with salt and spread them in one layer on a baking sheet.
– Bake in a 425 degree oven for anywhere from 25 to 40 minutes (depending on thickness) flipping the fries every so often for even browning. They’re done when they taste good!

SHALLOT DIP

One or two shallots, grated or finely diced
2 green onions (or some chives) finely chopped
1 cup of sour cream (I used low fat because I accidentally bought it… lame. Some thick yogurt would be fine too!)
2 ish tablespoons of mayonnaise
Dash of Worcestershire sauce
Little blob of Dijon mustard
1 ish tsp of dill (or any other herb you fancy)
Salt and pepper to taste

– Stir it all together. It’s done now.

NB: This dip gets even better as it sits and the flavors start to mingle  The next day I grated some cucumber and a little garlic in to it which made for a yummy fake-tzatziki.

 

HERMANA

The Knowles legacy continues. Hot track y’all.

ROASTED

I always buy vegetables with the intention to, well, eat them. Sometimes they get they all get ate yo, but usually the stragglers end up rotting in the bottom of my fridge. Well rot no more forgotten produce! Imma roast all of y’all.

The first vegetables I roasted were tomatoes. I am on the verge of hating them raw and will try anything to zazz them up. Forty minutes in the oven and they developed  a deep, rich flavor, lost most of their acidity and become almost creamy in texture. They made their own sauce as they roasted, so I tossed them with some pasta, roasted garlic and basil. Result =Dreamzzz. Roasting 4 Life!

Below is a (very) loose guideline for roasting whatever vegetable you fancy. (NOTE: NO CUCUMBERS. BARF! OR LETTUCE. DOUBLE BARF!) The times and temperatures really vary depending on what produce you use, but a general rule of thumb is the denser the vegetable, the longer they need to roast. So tomatoes are on the lower end of this spectrum while potatoes, brussles sprouts and beets take the longest. The best way to tell if your vegetables are sufficiently roasted is to try them. Are they yummy? Then they’re done!

ROASTED VEGETABLES

Preheat oven to 400 – 425 degrees.

-Cut up vegetables in to similar sized chunks. (Keep ’em pretty big as tiny pieces will just turn to mush).
-Drizzle with a little olive oil and season with salt and pepper.
-Roast, flipping the little guys over every once in a while, for 40 minutes to an hour or so.
-Test them- when they taste luxurious and caramelized, they’re ready fool!

HOW TO USE ROASTED VEGETABLES!

– Toss roasted tomatoes and garlic with some pasta, fresh basil & goat cheese.

– Blend roasted tomatoes, jalapenos, onions and garlic with some cilantro and lime juice for a smokey salsa.

– Blend roasted peppers, onions, leeks, carrots, potatoes, tomatoes and garlic with vegetable stock for an easy soup.

– Eat them by themselves! Or as a side to chicken or roast! Or put them in cous cous! Just eat them, ok?

Eat yer veggies kids!

BEANS

Why aren’t advertisements as terrifying as they used to be?

POSEY

THIS WOMAN.

SK8 or DIE

When I was in Junior High I started volunteering my Friday and Saturday nights at a drop-in center called The Vault (très 90’s, no?).  Its purpose was to exist as an alternative for kids getting in to drugs or gangs or whatever. They had pool tables, a DJ cage (it was in a cage! for reals!) and mini ramp out back. It had a dive bar feel, but without the booze or sexual predators. Well, no booze.

I was a very impressionable fourteen when I started out there and quickly became enamored with the other volunteers, most of whom were dudes and all of whom were eight to ten years older than me. They all loved hardcore and punk (mine virgin ears!) had tattoos and piercings (mine virgin eyes!) and were reformed satanists (ok, not ALL of them). Oh, and they skateboarded.

From that point on my personal “style” morphed pretty quickly.  I traded in my bootcut corduroys for all black everything, got one of those lesbian-mom spikey haircuts (which I promptly died red) and became obsessed with SK8R BOiS and beaded wooden jewelry. Oh Lord, dark days.  I wanted to learn how to skate too, but like most tweens was hindered by my desire to look cool at all times and not suck at anything ever.

Fast forward 14 years and I am learning to skateboard for the first* time. Jonny modified one of his old decks for me and for the past few nights has been patiently and lovingly teaching me the ropes. Watching a grown-ass woman teetering around on a wobbly plank would not be my idea of a good time. Especially if said woman punctuated every outing with fits of verbal abuse and/or baby-la-la tears. What a guy. Seriously. I would have curb-stomped me by now. His encouragement makes me want to keep trying though and I think it’ll be fun once I stop being so bad at it.

*Technically, this is the second time I’ve given skateboarding a whirl. The first time was short lived due to a freak accident that left me with a cracked rib and a <temporary> hatred for anything on tiny wheels.

SK8

OB5E55ION5

1] I love dark lips, especially when paired with the pastiest of skin colors and a solid, well groomed brow. I am particularly taken with the semi-sheer purple tones popping up everywhere this fall.  If Angela Chase grew up and was interning in a stuffy old office, she would totally be wearing this. Probably. OFFICE GOTH.

 

 

 

2] A$AP ROCKY. This obsession is ongoing for obvious reasons. DREAM$$$.

 

 

3] This Opening Ceremony Pop-Up bag is on the top of my wish-list.   Since it costs $450 however, it is likely to remain at the top of this list for eternity. Is it the perfect everyday/travel/evening/biking bag though. Guh. Being poor is lame you guys.

 

4] I can’t get enough of this Scientology scandal! TELL ME EVERYTHING VANITY FAIR!!!! Seriously, the October issue cannot get her quick enough.

 

5] YES. I know ombré is such a snooty word and everyone is sick to death of it. Ombré nails, ombré hair, ombré blah, ombré blah. But my evolution is a little more delayed than most, and i’m still in to it. It’s a good option for people who are indecisive or who are afraid to commit fully to one extreme. I don’t care about these tights (well, i’m not mad at them or anything) but what I really want to apply this gradient to is a wall in my house. Bedroom to be specific. Dark on the bottom faded out to a nice dovey grey. Seems like it would be a whole lot of work though.

Maybe i’ll just ombré my hurr again.

 
[ click on images for sources ]

GOOD MORNING?

I usually wake up with a song stuck in my head. It’s usually something awful and it usually plays on repeat in the back of my brain all day. By mid-afternoon i’m usually ready to slice my own throat out because I’ve been humming it incessantly.

Usually.

Today’s song ain’t half bad.

Well, talk to me at three o’clock. I might have a different opinion by then.

 

DOIN’ IT.

I’m trying out this whole “on line” thing before the internet becomes obsolete. It could happen- remember CD’s?

ME NEITHER.